First, thanks to those who introduced themselves under the prior topic. It looks as though we will have very interesting, diverse and talented group of participants-- lots of opportunities to learn from each other. You can still add your own introduction...
Next, please post any comments, ideas or questions that were "stimulated" by the 1st class.
Between now and the next class on October 5th, you have plenty of time to experiment with your assigned "Live-With": Have No Expectations. Record your experiences-- successful or less so-- with this concept. How did it work in meeetings, in dealing with deadlines? What did you try? What did you notice about your own reactions? This is the most difficult tool and "wrestling" with it has a slow but definite payback. Good luck.
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Day 1 of Have No Expectations: I'm responsible for setting up for weekly lab meetings on Tuesdays starting 9am sharp. Running late, pulled into parking lot at 9:05am. Breathe in "have no expectations" -- the lab and the world still goes on ... presenter had set up own laptop and meeting was just about to start. I did not have to experience being flustered. Reflecting: what if I had allowed my expectations of disorder brew while fighting traffic?
ReplyDeleteLater in the day, phone screened two candidates for opening in our lab. "Have no expectations" I reminded myself as I placed the call to each. I had no expectations (i.e., put aside any expectations) of how a "recruiter" was supposed to act. Reflecting: I was relaxed and more myself on the phone than my "nervous chattering" -- and was able to get some insights I might otherwise have missed had I gone my usual route and talked most of the time. Recipe of Day 1: STOP. WAIT. Live with no expectations of what'll happen. Allow to unfold.
I am currently attending a Strategic class, and I can tell you is completely the contrary of "have no expectations" from this class. I think we talk about how you need to have expectations in life in order to accomplish something and how we need to have clear goals. Like Julie say "it really goes against what we are used to in life in general". I think that was a totally true statement. It will take me some time to get used to the "have no expectations" mind set. Its going to be a challenge, I am excited.
ReplyDeleteMai & Sabrina-- thanks for getting us started by sharing your experiences. Some things works and some don't. Just keep trying.
ReplyDeleteReally pleased to read that HNE helped you relax and run a better interview.
Sabrina-- Keep working on the distinction between expectations and goals... There is nothing inconsistent here...
Cheers,
Hal
Mai,
ReplyDelete"Recipe of Day 1: STOP. WAIT. Live with no expectations of what'll happen. Allow to unfold." Allow to unfold...pretty remarkable insights for Day 1. You don't have to wait a LONG time, just stop, breathe, realize there might be some expectations lurking, then continue towards your goal/project/destination while seeing what possibilities are available along the way.
Sabrina,
Goals are important. As Hal said, continue to see the distinction between expectations and goals. It does take time to get used to this. It's a shift in how we see the world and how we interact with it. WIth expectations, there can be a rigidity and a grasping to having to have things a certain way. Just keep playing with it...you are beginning to see things differently, just by being aware of it!
Thank you, both, for sharing your insights and questions. It helps begin our online journey together.
Julie
For working with the "Live With" of Have No Expectations -
ReplyDeleteI was dreading the long-delayed and procrastinated clean-up of my guest room this past weekend. It finally needed to be done since I'll have some out-of-town guests staying with me soon. Since I had been using the space as a makeshift storeroom for paperwork that needed to be dealt with and just general miscellaneous clutter for months, I had anticipated spending the whole weekend or at least a Saturday's worth of wading through the morass.
I hadn't meant to let the guest room become so messy and cluttered, but last year, in the months after my father passed away, I was an emotional wreck and lost track of time and space, and could not focus on tasks for very long - even simple activities were overwhelming. My dad and I were very close and he was a neat freak; used to fine me as a child and dock my allowance if my room was not up to his exacting standards. I definitely take after my mother who always has piles of papers on the desk and floor in her den.
So the evening before tackling the clutter, I decided to prepare myself by trying to have no expectations and seeing what happens, instead of dreading the experience. That morning I started off slowly and without inspiration, and then threw myself into the task, managing to get absorbed completely. What happened was an unpredictable and pleasant outcome - instead of taking the hours I had envisioned, the whole job took only 3 hours, from sorting and throwing things away to vacuuming and dusting thoroughly.
The best part was feeling that great sense of accomplishment and seeing bare carpet without stacks of printouts, old mail, and magazines. It's very true what they say about needing to get rid of things in order to have room to let new experiences come into our lives.
My dad has been gone a year this September, and I'm not sure if I've completely moved on. It's hard letting go. I think about him each and every day and he will never be forgotten. He would've loved my clean guest room, that's for sure. In a way, my cleaning the room and getting rid of old stuff was a tribute to him.
I think this first Live-With, "Have no Expectations" will be the most challenging but most likely the most helpful "advice" I can get.
ReplyDeleteI'm a typical Type A person (you know, the kind that makes lists for everything and needs everything organized and within my control), so it's really hard to let go of expectation. This goes for both personal and professional life, of course.
For example, I always anticipate how busy my day will be as I'm driving into work. My commute is about 30 miles on the 101, so I have a lot of time to think and plan each morning... When I expect that my day will be busy, I'm already stressed coming into work. This leads to being a bit unproductive in my attempt to either relieve stress (by doing non-work related stuff) or finish tasks quicker by being less thorough and perhaps making mistakes. I think the whole "my day's going to be busy" expectation is a self-fulfilling prophecy in many cases.
On the other hand, when I try to "psyche" myself out by having lower expectations, I've realized that I have equally disappointing results. If things turn out worse than my expectations, I get even more upset since my expectation was low to begin with. Even if I meet or even exceed these "lower" expectations, I tend to still be stressed and anxious while I am trying to reach my goal.
I usually have high expectations for myself as well as others which lead to great amount of stress and frustration in everyday life. I think that's part of the reason why I'm not really in tune with my creative side: I know what works, and I keep repeating them.
I am working on really letting go of even my small expectations so that I can enjoy just one day without stress! :)
-I agree with Sabrina. Not striving, putting out a conscious effort, visualizing a future event all runs contrary to what my parents taught; I attribute my career success to doing my best and working hard!
ReplyDelete-Last night I had 2 similar dreams of being lost, confused, and completely at the mercy of the environment and others. The more I tried to return or find my friend, the farther away I got. I felt like I was in a maze, frightened and helpless. My creativity was not helping me get out!
-My subconscious mind must be warning me about this new behavior - "surrender".
Thank you all for your comments. This first week is always the most challenging.
ReplyDeleteAgain, to have no expectations, does not mean to not work hard in your life or to not have a vision. On the contrary, having no expectations (the way we are defining it in class) allows for your hard work and creativity to be in service of YOUR vision and success rather than the vision of your VOJ. HNE allows for your vision to be realized, rather than continuing the internal struggle and conflict the VOJ feeds off of.
We will discuss the VOJ more tonight.
Again, thank you for adding to the richness of our blog and the course.
I want to share something about "Have no expectations".
ReplyDeleteI was reading the book "Getting things Done" last week, by David Allen.
He talked about "mental clutter", things that we keep in our head, things that
bother us, things that we wonder about. When there is too much of that going
on, the work seems to pile up, the life becomes frustrated.
To me, having expectations is similar to that in two ways.
1. Expectations is vague. It changes according to our own
tolerance, desire, ongoing risk assessment.
2. Expectations is passive. We focus on the outcome, but not what we need to do
next.
I remember Julie talked about having goals instead of having expectations in class.
Goals translate to action items, what we need to do. It is much more active way
way of thinking.
I had this ah-ha moment, where David Allen talked about getting rid of this "mental clutter",
by putting every actionable items that I need to do on paper. So our brain stop thinking about them.
Rather, my brain focuses on this action list, rather than constantly expecting something to happen,
or wondering when I have time to get to it.
I started to do what was recommended in the book. I am still trying this to
see if it really does works for me, so I don't have much to share at
the moment.
One thing for sure, is that pretty much instantly, I started to think a lot less about
"my expectations". and feel a lot less frustration. At the same time, I
actually feel to get more things done, and more moments of instant satisfaction
of marking something as done.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned during the last class, at first I believed that it was impossible for me to have no expectation (I guess my VOJ was too present...), but I tried.
On Monday I discovered that my boutique will host an important event sponsored by one of our brands on Saturday. The very short notice (5 days), the unattainable sales goal and the shortage of staffing to help me prepare this event, made my very anxious. This was the perfect moment to try and implement the “have no expectations” concept.
It took me a lot of effort and time to let go, but it finally worked!
The event went well, my team (a little disoriented at first) did a wonderful job, our sales reached my personal goal, our clients were satisfied and I even had fun!
In my life, I always had expectations for everything/everyone, which lead most of the time to disappointments. This class is helping me a lot to focus on the present moment and it is actually very relaxing! My goal is to have “selectively no expectations”.
Thank you very much...
Eugenie